May 7th, 2008.

So hey. I deleted the last one because I couldn't stand to see any of the words I was willing to write.
This week has been a lot better.
I had to be hospitalized twice in one week. I don't know if you would necessarily even call it that if you admit yourself.
The first visit I was driving around aimlessly for hours, when I decided I was going to run the failed marriage minivan off the side of a random cliff in Edmonds.
The last minuet I turned around and drove to Stevens, where they put me in a gown, and took a whole mess of blood.
"You have so much to live for, you're beautiful, you're smart, it's just a spell..."
Do you say this to everyone? How busy are these rooms that are a step below padded?Are there weeks worse than others for people as a whole?
I wonder.
The woman in the room next to me won't stop screaming about how she needs to shit.
"We just took you to the restroom"
"No, she just sits there with her pants on and stares at the wall."
Fuck my life I just keep thinking. She won't shut the fuck up, and the nurses won't stop laughing.
Nathan is in Olympia, my mom is unreachable. I have work tomorrow. Let me out.
I take back every word, and they release me.
I get shit faced drunk, eat donuts, start s fight, and go to bed.
Fuck, I'm not okay, is all I can think.
I don't know why things hit me so hard.
I don't know why I have a breakdown every other day.
I can't handle day to day things.
It's fucking pathetic. I don't like that I gave my brother the mom role.
Maybe things are playing catch up.
It's my birthday soon.